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mikenno @ 08:59 pm: Hi. I'd like to introduce myself briefly. My penname is Mikenno, real name Kris. I'm 19; I enjoyed writing since I was a young child and never thought I'd amount to anything in the area but now I love it more than I ever imagined.

As of lately, I've been in a terrible slump what with work and trying to move across the country but I'm trying my hardest. I'm hoping by joining this small but growing community that I may be able to find my way out.

That said, this is something short I wrote last night around 7:00 AM just before I went to sleep. XD I didn't navigate for whatever typos I may have made so please bear with laziness.

Often times you try to eliminate the options you have when you're out there in the world. The choices that fog your eyes and cloud your exhale; the sensations in your mouth and the words upon your tongue; the thoughtful interlude between the fight, a battle of wit and who can stay calm the longest.


But the beckoning hand of temptation swinging its scrawny limbs at you from their forehead just calls out your will to pursue. It was beginning to fade into nonsequitor lapses of discussion: Where were you - The snow's falling so heavy - "Tonight a man was" - It was around 6:00 When I - Tomorrow I'm going out to din - I've been here! - Why does this always -

When it comes to a momentary breath of silence, you sit down and hug your knees. You face your back to that which can't be let go and let it go.
Like a lingering bitter taste of cigarette on your lips, disgusting but rightfully addictive. That's one way to sell them, as with anything else.
Hey. Did you feel the same desires as I did when we both stepped in opposite directions? It was a coincidence that we couldn't help but glance over our shoulders, destroying the will to abandon but unable to recover. This glass wall that rose from our pride, allowing us to see but unable to touch but through the frosty barrier. Justice... Justice to protect both our shameful eyes and bowed heads from one another. Our mouths were moving, the words said but unspoken in your ear and my own.

Is this what we wanted? It's fine since I can remember you, even if it will never be enough. I never said I could stand on water but you asked me to prove it. What was with that anyway? Asking so much of me.

Is it alright? That now the liquid I grace with my bare feet, painting my toe nails and warming my soles is your life? If you flip the world upside down, will you see the same image and ask the same approval? Is it alright that I stride in your essence and bury myself in your machinery... Can I sleep here tonight?

The tip of the finger that paints with the floor in your blood is my declaration of inadequacy. May I pour you a downfall in the crystal glass of decay? This burns the blood beneath my skin, a flush of false hopes to relinquish me from the stalemate I've checked out to.

Did I mention that when I run my hand across your skin, it's similar to a melting cup of hot chocolate on a benumbing winter evening? Even as everything pours away from us, though your skin becomes tough against mine and your eyes widen because you recognize it as well.

This is what it is to fail, my valiant knight.
This is what it is to fail, my noble king.

This is our consequence for greed and mistrust.

And we go. Reticent voices agreeing to leave one another alone. It wasn't that we made the mistakes...

The mistakes made us.

Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Nobuo Uematsu - Bisaido Island


[User Picture]
Date:October 1st, 2006 08:07 pm (UTC)
I can tell you've been writing for a long time by the way you separate your lines like thoughts.

I've always had a fondness for writings directed at 'you'.

I love the broken feel of your lines with your use of pauses. It's very personal, and I hope it doesn't change through editting. I also think you have a very interesting use of metaphor, as they are very amgiguous, meaning different things to different people.

The first paragraph was the most meaningful to me, as I can identify with it on a more personal level.

Does it have a name? I got confused for a second because nothing separated it from your introduction but an extra space (I got it though, so it doesn't matter).

[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2006 05:00 am (UTC)
Unfortunately I've yet to title it. A lot of my short pieces never recieve titles because they don't walk outside of my journal.

I appreciate the commentary! I was also told by someone else that it's too poetic for it's novelistic format, which becomes confusing and results in skimming it instead of reading it. I need to work on that aspect, too. =_=
[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2006 04:53 pm (UTC)
I can understand what that person was getting at, given the right mood one could be tempted to skim.

As I said before though, I really like your use of pauses (your punctuation). If you're going to be editting this, maybe in keeping the punctuation more or less the same, you could organize the lines into stanzas of a close-to-equal line count, separating each line by your punctuation, and while still keeping the one and two liners the same because it's more impacting that way. I think that would make it feel more poetic than novelistic, and a lot more organized. But you probably had something like this in mind anyways :P
[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2006 06:18 pm (UTC)
while I do feel I should work on that aspect, at the same time I rather enjoy not making it into a common poetry format. So conflicting. I suppose I feel like it's that tiny touch of originality I ca't part with. She funnily enough compared me to Anne Rice. XD

Thanks again.
[User Picture]
Date:October 7th, 2006 08:00 pm (UTC)
Wow. I like how you used stream of consciousness, it has an eerie effect.

Welcome, Kris! Always good to have new people, especially ones with so much talent. ^_^
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